And the Mother of the Year Award goes to...

NOT ME! Lets just make that clear. Not that I want to elude this prestigious honorary, but I keep managing to sabotage myself.

Luke barely slept last night. I could tell it was reflux. I've had GERD for 12 years. I know the pain all too well. When my baby gurgles and gags and swallows and screams out in pain, I know exactly what he is going through. 

I would climb out of bed all night just to hold him upright, hoping it would help. And it did, temporarily. It's so heartbreaking to know my baby is in that kind of pain. We discussed it with the Ped at his 2 month check up. He suggested rice cereal, with the disclaimer that they "usually didn't recommend that this early unless the infant was at least 14 lbs and had reflux." I did my own research on why that is, and I'm not comfortable using the rice cereal at 10 weeks old. 

He offered writing him a script for Zantac, which is what I am taking while breast feeding (as I can't find good studies for the prescription stuff, like my Nexium that I've been taking for over a decade). The Zantac passes through to breast milk, but not enough to be equivalent to an effective dosage. Obviously. I declined, in office, on the script. I figured I would change my diet first and try more elevation after he eats. It's been torture night after night knowing my child is in pain. 

During the day, Luke slept more than usual. He's been lethargic and refusing a bottle. He breast feeds fine, but won't take a bottle. I go back to work in 3 days. We're going to have to work on that. Josh has been sick and running a fever since Monday. He's been staying away from the baby, but I'm still a little worried. I've been checking Luke's temp and no fever, so I don't know. 

I gave in and called the Ped to ask for the Zantac for Luke. It had been a long night, and I felt terrible for him. It wasn't until 9pm that Josh and I were able to leave to go to the pharmacy. You know, because it takes like 2 days to plan a trip out with an infant. I had to pay cash for his prescription, because I hate my insurance company and they hate me. I really wanted a 'half price milkshake' from Sonic, too. So, we scurried in that direction. 

Pulling out of the pharmacy's parking lot, Josh says, "Um Dairy Queen it is." To which I replied, "No. Sonic's shakes are half price right now." He said, "you better tell them to put those lids on as tight as possible then!" A little background here: Josh recently tried one of their new shakes and hated the combo of flavors that he ordered, so he sent it back was brought a different flavor. As we were leaving, he grabbed the cup and Blam! Disaster ensued. Milkshake everywhere: into the gear shift, down the console, in-between the seats, everywhere. We drove next door to a car wash and vacuumed the ice cream from our truck. And even more recently, I had a milkshake, on a different day, that didn't have a secure lid either. So, there went ice cream, everywhere, again. It's easy to see Josh's reserve. 

When we arrived, I ordered a peanut butter, with hot fudge, shake. But, on first sip, I realized it was just a vanilla shake. I desperately wanted that peanut butter!!! So, I politely requested a new shake. The new one was almost overloaded with peanut butter, but I tried to tolerate it. 

As we get going down the road, the peanut butter is causing my mouth to stick together. So, I reach back for the initial large, vanilla shake (they didn't take it back when they brought my new one). And guess what?! The &@&!?"&!$ lid wasn't on well. Ice cream EVERYWHERE. In my purse, the console, gear shirt, in the ventilation holes of the seat, the floor, between the seat and under it. All over my hands. And I hear Josh, "Never again. I don't care if shakes are two cents. I don't care if they're free!!! Never EVER again." Still hoping the truck doesn't smell like soured milk tomorrow in the 90 degree heat. Ugh. 

To make matters worse, much worse, I decided to give Luke the Zantac when we got home. I opened a syringe that I had at home with a needle on it. I drew up Luke's dose and discarded the needle. I squirted 1/4-1/2 ml into his cheek. He made an awful face, swallowed a bit, then tried spitting the rest out. He started gagging in a dry-heaving-like motion. Then, he vomited all over both of us. I thought I had given him too much. I rocked him and apologized over and over again. He didn't appear in pain, just disgusted by the taste. It had a spearmint smell. I should have tasted it myself first.

I decided to try to put just a few drop on his tongue, instead. But I scratched his gums with the stupid syringe. I felt it scrape. Omg I felt soooo bad. I can't even begin to describe how bad. He tried spitting out the second set of drops, then vomited again. Poor baby. I just held him close to me, vomit and all, and rocked him while trying not to cry. What an awful, awful day.

I was hopeful that we could end the day with a happy bath. Luke loves bath time. And this bath was no different; he enjoyed it. He has developed this new thing he likes to do in the bath where he shows his tongue a lot. He sticks it out like he is exaggeratively licking his lips over and over again. It's usually hilarious, but this time, I noticed blood in his mouth. Ahhhh! From where I scraped his gums! I wanted to crawl in a hole. Bad, bad mommy. I just need to sleep this awful day away. 

Here's to a better tomorrow!