Thursday, August 25, 2016

Potty Training Advise

Our son first asked to go to the potty when he was just shy of his 2nd birthday. We were brushing our shoulders off like pimps in this parenting game. 

A year and a half later, we're feeling more like naive has-beens. If your kid is completely potty trained, congratulations and I secretly hate you. If not, grab some wine glasses, and I'll get the bottle. Let's talk. 

          Here are a few pointers to help along the way:

Because everyone's going to need a drink when this adventure begins...
 
Knowing that the bathroom is where you go to poop is a critical 1st step. The 2nd step is nailing where to poop in the bathroom.
 
Going to the bathroom with every single person every single time is the only way to watch and learn the technique.
 
Disposable diapers don't wash well. However, they do come out as versatile weapons afterwards.
 
Being naked all day means that they'll always go to the actual potty, and never in the floor, or on the rug, or the couch, or clean, folded clothes.

Underwear is a versatile fashion accessory.
 
Unsure of what size underwear your kid will need and don't want to drop their pants in the store to test the sizes? Just use their head! If it fits their unproportionately gigantic heads, it'll definitely fit their thunderous bums.

Awesome, expensive, organic cotton underwear is just enough to make you hose out those undies instead of throwing them away when disaster ensues. Saving our planet is what it's all about, people.

Wearing dad's boots, while naked, puts you that much closer to being a potty-trained man.
Make a game out of it! Try to pee between the rails!

Or just let the dog show them how it's done.

Buy lots of extra disposable diapers/pull-ups. Lots. Because no parent should feel bad for giving up and deciding their child can shit their pants forever. F the planet, too.

And always remember that protection is the key to prevention.
Happy potty training, my friends. 






Sunday, August 21, 2016

Grocery Game's All Changed

We all have to shop for groceries. Most people I know hate it, some don't mind, and even fewer actually enjoy it. I've been all three.

Pre-child era: I didn't mind it. I always had a list and a budget. I was so organized that it would have put adderall-induced housewives to shame. 

New mom mode: I enjoyed grocery shopping. Because I went alone. Back then, I had a day or two off of work during the weekdays. I would take my son to daycare, go to Starbucks and get all jacked up on caffeine, then hit the grocery store at 8 or 9am with all of the senior citizens. I would just take my time cruising the isles, sipping on my gin and juice (white chocolate mocha, actually). The store was never packed. It was blissful. It was honestly like a vacation for me. I love my son and my husband more than anything, but the grocery store isn't a place to spend "quality time" together. Making a small child (even an infant) sit still and be quiet isn't fun for mom, dad, or said child. So, being alone had a certain feel of accomplishment, actual productivity. I secretly wondered if that was how stay-at-home moms felt, too. 

And on to now: I HATE it. I absolutely despise grocery shopping. I now work all weekdays, and dinner has to be started almost as soon as Josh and I get home. That reserves most grocery trips for the weekends. So, the stores are always packed, and we have to plan the trip around Luke's nap and when he eats. Moms and dads know exactly what I'm saying here. 

Luke wants to explore so much in the store. I love (and, admittedly, sometimes loathe) that about him. He's inquisitive, theoretical, and untamed by his wild imagination and undeniable desire to test every single hypothesis he can conjure up. It fascinates me to step back from the society-imposed box and just intently watch him. I can see the wheels turning in everything he does. It makes me proud and happy. However, it can also make a grocery shopping experience take FOREVER. That is, until he is ready to go. And at that point, you've gotten 1/16th the amount of groceries on your list and a very strong-willed child who wants new scenery. Not easy. Not blissful. 

Inevitably, I always miss something on the list, too. So, it's another trip that day or the next to pick up said item. Then, they remodel the store, and you spend an hour trying to find four effing things. Four! I hate the grocery store. I do. I do. 

Our town is on the larger side for population in our area (100k+ in the city limits). We live in an unincorporated area in the county, though. And that's just how we like it. But as with any city, roadway infrastructure can never keep up. Like ever. And traffic, during peak hours, can be a nightmare. So, it takes forever to get to town, run errands, and get home. Grocery shopping usually takes up a good third to half of our day, between driving, shopping, loading, unloading, and putting away the groceries. 

We have 4 Super Walmarts, 3 Neighborhood Walmarts, 7 Krogers, 4 Publixes, and a handful of wholesale and discount places to buy groceries. No Trader Joe's or Whole Foods, though. Boo. And yes, I like organic food options. I don't care if you do or not, and I hope that you wouldn't care if I do or not. But I've seen the eye rolls and heard the arguments to my preference for certain organic choices. I mean, I eat horribly, too. More in moderation, but still. I never start fights or pick arguements with people over organic vs. non-organic. It's just not my style. To each their own, I say. So please, do not start it with me either. Ok, now that that is off of my chest, onto my actual point...

I usually shop at Kroger. They have the most organic choices, great coupons (which, honestly, I rarely use anyway), and offer fuel points. I like Publix for the meat, though. The Kroger that we shop at just underwent a renovation to compete with a new Kroger opening just down the road. And with that renovation came a new service that they started participating in called "ClickList".

This.

ClickList is an online service where you can order groceries, then pick them up at the store the next day! In our area, it's a $5 charge. FIVE DOLLARS?! OMG! This service is easily worth $50! I sit at home on my laptop and create a grocery list from the choices (pictures and prices). And the search tool is very effective. The site shows all of my previous purchases and which ones are on sale, too. I love that I can walk over to my cabinets and refrigerator to see what I have, or don't have, and adjust my list as needed. Not every single item in the store is available on the online database, but I haven't found anything that I regularly buy that hasn't been listed. There's even options to substitute items you've chosen if they aren't available at pickup and a section to give the Kroger employee instructions on any item (like I've requested the furthest expiration date on yogurt before). My husband once ordered bananas without any instructions, and the ones we received looked great.

When I'm finished, I just choose my pickup time for the next day and submit my order. There's a few special lanes reserved for this service at my store. I pull up, call the number listed on the sign in my lane, they take my name and ask if I have any coupons, then bring my order out. One employee comes to my driver's side window and reviews my order and if there were any items that were unavailable, if they were substituted (if I chose that option), and what they were substituted with. They then take my credit/debit card payment with a card swipe on a tablet while a couple of other people load my groceries into my vehicle. Sometimes, I feel incredibly lazy, or even snobby, while other people are loading my groceries. I honestly wouldn't mind helping or even loading them myself. But by the time my payment is complete, they are finished loading my groceries anyway. It's never taken more than 5 minutes from the time I pull up to the time that I leave.

I am not being promoted or paid in anyway to express my views on this service; I seriously just LOVE it! I hope it stays around forever. What a game-changer.

Sincerely,
One happy working-mom