I Keep Going and Going and Going...

I've had a week full of some pretty hefty contractions. Ones that I've huffed and puffed through. Ones that were 5 minutes apart for hours. Ones that almost made me go to L&D... almost. I'm thinking surely contractions that are causing me to give people the finger are making some progress here. The index finger, by the way. As in, "Silence! I kill you... after this contraction." Not the other finger. We haven't made it that far yet.

But the pain, yeah that's starting to intrude my comfort zone a little. My contractions start high and spread down my abdomen. And when I say high, I mean I didn't know my uterus had reached my throat! What an encroachment. Time to grow out, not up! So, this really sharp pain starts to engulf my ribcage, like the worst gas pain you can imagine, I guess. Then, my belly gets hard, like a rock. I sang a little Bob Seiger in my head just then.

When these contractions happen, I feel like I can't breathe. I'm not sure if it's the lack of space in my ribcage for my lungs to expand due to this massive muscle of a uterus contracting or what, but I'm huffing and puffing. I don't want anyone talking to me when it happens either. It just annoys me to be bothered in the midst of this happening. Not that it's anyone's fault, but I'm trying to do the most basic of human functions required to live here, and it takes concentration to breathe when it feels like you can't. I don't want to speak or move either. Not that I can't, again we aren't that far yet, but it's like an instinct to be still, quiet, and tune everything around me out. And I get so irritable. I want to snap when I'm trying to focus on breathing and someone is talking to me. Even if we were in the middle of a conversation. Hence use of the finger. Most people get that sign. Josh and I need a good game plan for communication once these things become real or else I may kill him and feel really bad afterwards. Maybe we can work on that this weekend. This doesn't mean I'm planning on au natural. I totally want the spine juice. It's an opportunity to possibly have an enjoyable experience with less fatigue for myself. I always say that I am instinctual, not primal. Just so we're clear.

I understand there may be circumstances, beyond my control, where I cannot get analgesics, though. Plans don't just happen as planned per se, and I'm totally accepting of that. Not that I will be even remotely ready for a natural birth or c-section, but it is what it is and what will happen will happen. I do need to learn how to breathe through these contractions, though. I assume the task is only going to get more daunting and difficult as we get closer. Preparation is key.

So, with these hellbent contractions lately, hospital bags are in the truck ready to go! There's no way that tiny, sensitive cervix withstood this week without some major changes, I thought.

Oh, but it did.

That thing is only like 1/16th of an inch now (yeah!), but still holding strong as ever. Absolutely blew my mind. Doc said no changes! It's still only 1 cm dilated and about 80% effaced. She said the head was definitely lower, but that was already very apparent to me. We even discussed induction (if I wanted) at 39 weeks. I don't think we'll be going down that road, as I just don't think I'll go that far. But then again, who knows. We've made it this far. It's been exactly 12 weeks ago today that I went into preterm labor. Thankful just doesn't describe how my heart feels.